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So I married a gamma

Started by Hausfraubear in She Bears 1 year ago

Actually I’m not sure he’s a gamma but he definitely has an anger addiction and fears coronu. He tricked me by being tall and handsome. Another possibility is he is a delta with aspergers. 

I wish I could get him to believe that at least the moon landing was fake. He’s not into any conspiracy theory except Roswell. So of course I’ll never convince him that space is fake. 

I’ve recently finally accepted the fact that I’ll never have a relationship like Owen and Amy’s and it’s ok, it’s my fault and if I’d been walking with God during that time I would have never married him. But God turns all evil to good and we have the sweetest baby boy. I just hope I can teach him not to emulate Daddy too much. But he’s a good dad when he’s not in a sperg rage. He fixes cars, works hard, pays the bills. I’m not emotionally fulfilled but so what? How many of our ancestors even had that luxury? Only Jesus has the water to quench our thirst. 

Anyone else struggle in a mixed marriage? (Woke+Asleep) lol

1 year ago

Hello, I have never been married so these opinions are based on my intuitions and my family relationships:

   I agree with Homestead Bear in that you should of course never give up. Also Hausfraubear, you are already doing what I think is right by appreciating your husband's positive qualities and focusing on your children and on God above all. I disagree with Homestead Bear about mocking him. If you are both in a good mood and joking around, then there is a time and place for that, but as a general strategy for orienting him towards the truth, rather than mockery, I would focus on speaking the truth in kindness. I personally would not refuse to speak to him unless I felt extremely hurt or threatened by something he had done.

   Sorry I'm not as Biblically literate as others in this community, but I remember reading a verse talking about how a wife can win over her unbelieving husband by modelling Logos and Godly behaviour, necessarily inspiring him.    

    In my life I have recently learned that unfortunately not everyone wants to talk about conspiracy theories all the time, so as a woman I had to focus on being feminine and gentle, fulfilling my own responsibilities and prudently contributing to whatever topic is being discussed by other people instead of initiating too many debates.

   I encourage you to continue to pray on your own, pray together with your husband and improve the quality of your family's food. Perhaps try to introduce some fasting into your husband's routine and work towards convincing him to try a detox protocol. My parents have emotional problems I believe to be caused by trauma and their gut biomes, but they don't accept that yet, so I have been encouraging them to get healthy by guiding them towards detox in baby steps: less sugar→more veggies→no snacks→intermittent fasting→Daniel fast on Wednesdays and Fridays→true fasting periods based around religious occasions→pine spirits and other medicines. Whatever works for you and him, or whatever you can get him to commit to that helps. The other component to this is replacing the anger with physical activity and an Earthly vocation, which it sounds like your husband already has.

1 year ago

Something that helps me navigate my own emotional life and my interpersonal relationships is the Emotional Guidance Scale from the Esther & Jerry Hicks book Ask and It is Given. Whatever you think of the source, I have found this to be an effective self-counselling tool. The idea is that we have been given our emotions to guide us through our life decisions, so we cannot simply change our perspectives by willpower and jump right from a state of despair to a state of joy, but rather we have to work up the scale one vibrational level at a time by making changes we can understand and commit to. On the other hand, feeling gratitude does seem to help me progress upwards quickly, so maybe we can consider it a tool to connect to God's love, rather than an emotion. Here is the scale:

1. Joy/Love/Gratitude 2. Passion 3. Enthusiasm 4. Positive Expectation 5. Optimism 6. Hopefulness 7. Satisfaction 8. Boredom 9. Pessimism 10. Irritation 11. Being Overwhelmed 12. Disappointment 13. Doubt 14. Worry 15. Blame 16. Discouragement 17. Anger 18. Revenge 19. Hatred/Rage 20. Jealousy 21. Guilt/Unworthiness 22. Despair

1 year ago

I'm a divorced 40 year old with two sons. My youngest son has been diagnosed with Aspergers (aka High Functioning Autism up here in Canada). I can relate to the sperg rage as you call it because my 9 year old can definitely react that way at times. I worry a lot about how he will handle relationships with women when he gets older so I am hoping I can help him find ways to regulate his emotions better as he gets older.

Besides raising my son, I have very little/no experience with people with Aspergers. That said, from what I've read on the subject and from how my son acts, I will say that as a rule, they are very, very honest people. My son does not lie - ever. He may not view a situation in an objective way but in his mind, he isn't being untruthful. I don't know much about Gammas except how Owen and Vox Day describe them but I don't think someone with Aspergers has the desire to be a 'secret king' in any way. Again, I'm no expert but I doubt someone with Aspergers could be a Gamma.

My ex-husband is probably a Gamma and is most definitely a narcissist. I know what it's like to worry about your son picking up your husband's negative traits. I was with an abusive conman for nearly 8 years and the only advice I can give you is to make sure your son has other positive male role models around to learn from. And remember, he has you. You're obviously a pretty awesome chick and that is a major plus. Just look at Owen Benjamin's mom and the influence she had on her kids despite being married to a gay wizard!      

1 year ago

That’s so true he never lies!! He can’t even not tell me something to spare my feelings when he wants to LOL. Well that’s a relief he’s definitely a delta sperg. ThNk you for your input. I have little experience with them also. Honesty is an excellent trait even  when it lacks tact.

1 year ago
@saffronbear  Thanks so much for your wise insight! I so agree that true femininity is to be humble and gentle and not partake in debates.  It’s actually quite a relief when I think of it that way! Like, when we behave as the Bible instructs us to- it’s REAL liberation! Look how much stress and worry we’re liberated from when we don’t have to worry about having a successful career, or even just a crappy mcjob, struggling to be as physically strong as men, as energetic as men, even trying to match wits, I often find exhausting. I’ve never felt so liberated as I have since quitting my job to have a baby. I can’t believe the grabblers were able to fool us into thinking this is not fulfilling!! 
1 year ago
It's incredible how liberating it is to stop fighting the will of the Creator. So many people see life as such a struggle. I'll admit that I developed masculine habits, when I was growing up, that led to me pushing away proper relationships with other human beings and surrounding myself with feminine men and masculine women. Once I heard that I could just be feminine and feel normal I snapped right out of it! Things make sense now. Shout out to Mrs Midwest on YouTube and her blog for being so adorable and honest that it disarms all the potential critics of traditional family life. 

Really high quality feedback here, I am so impressed with the return to common sense & decency that the bears & bearettes embrace. There isn't anything I can add to the advice already offered to HausFrauBear, but I just want to say I had a similar dynamic in a recent relationship with my ex-fiance. 

In short, a spergy delta, absolutely stellar handyman extraordinaire, hardworking & handsome, a saved Christian, and not completely hostile to truth. But he couldn't deal with me knowing anything he didn't know, and I didn't know how to be feminine while nudging him, so I just withdrew. This wasn't the main reason we broke up (it was the anger *sigh*) but what it helped me to realize is how much I dislike debating & convincing! 

I felt so feminine with him except for when I was compelled to set him straight on a false belief, even if it was just about apple seeds. Then all the discomfort would kick in & I'd only go through with it because I felt it was my responsibility to. I think a lot of the things we feel compelled to do yet uncomfortable about come out of the upside down. Because there is no man standing up for the truth around him, it fell on me. In God's natural order it's the other way around. I won’t get into what I think about pastors here, but suffice it to say this is a big piece of the problem.

Unfortunately those closest to me are all asleep and I struggle with my default behavior of debating every day, even in my own head planning what I'll say & gathering info for the next opportunity to enlighten. I live in a liberal area of NY. It’s overrun with darkness, dull minds, and the mainstream narratives are simply swallowed wholesale without question. I absolutely hate seeing people tricked! And what’s worse, I’m secretly alienated from all my neighbors, old friends and family. They think everything is just fine between us while I do nothing but worry about them and pray while trying to figure out a new angle to reach them without risking an offense. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t avoid speaking truth out of fear of offending them, I have offended them many times, but it only seems to push them further away from where I’m trying to get them.

So I’ve given up on debating & convincing but I don’t know where to go from here. Speaking from the heart is kind of foreign to me. I  know what it means but I don’t know what it looks like in action. I don’t have any role models or examples to draw from. so there are definitely some crossed wires in me, I have all this compassion but no skills for femininely conveying it because I guess I was trained to convey it in the masculine way. Feminism sucks so bad. 

11 months ago

Thanks again everyone for the support! 

Here’s the latest. We were just out on a walk and I sat on a nearby bench with our son for a moment. Well now he’s triggered beyond all reason and wants a divorce. (Because there might have been covid on the bench and I’m probably contaminated) he’s threatened divorce several times it won’t happen as much as I sometimes wish a nigga would. I just said I’m sorry and I walked home while he continued on so he could calm down. Please pray for us. This could ruin our whole week. 

10 months ago
@gwenbear  what a thoughtful response! Thank you so much. It’s still hard but I just keep praying for him, and for God to make me stronger. It’s so hard to resist the urge to run away. But I have a feeling that will just complicate my life even more and just be painful and disfunctional in a different way. Thank you for the encouragement, I really need all I can get lol
2 months ago

God bless you! And keep crushing always! This makes me think of St Rita of Cassia. She was married to a man who was very angry and was different to her, but she eventually brought him to God just by her patience and good virtue, and obviously the Truth helps!! Maybe just keep crushing and your husband will come around just through your example and crushing spirit! Patience is key!! You’re in my prayers sister bear ! 

2 months ago

My dear sisterbear, I haven’t seen much of you lately but noticed a picture of you and your son on the Beartaria App. Please feel free to contact me about joining our book club on Tuesday nights on Zoom. Info on this site under she bears and I hope all is well. Invite is open to any lady bears on here.