Just kidding. But in a way it’s true!
First I want to apologize for not interacting/ responding to posts. I haven’t had the heart to.
I’m so far behind on streams, because everyone’s happiness was causing me pain.
I’m tired of talking about my husband and whatever the nature of his problems are. He verbally abuses me daily, threatens divorce, suicide and makes violent statements like “I feel like cutting someone’s head off with a chainsaw”
I think even the Catholic Church would give me their blessing at this point. I hope I’m not wrong, I hope Christ forgives me. I fee like I’m rejecting my cross. Or maybe the cross is facing my fear about leaving. This marriage has been a delusion for 15 years. My son deserves better. And I want him to find a based bear wife one day. Beartaria awaits! *edit: please read my new comment below for update*
Thank you for the prayers I really need them! I don’t know how to leave. He says he wants to leave us but to get us settled somewhere first. I just don’t know if he’ll come through on his end.
And of course as usual he’s admitted that he didn’t really mean any of it. But it’s already out there! You can’t unsay things.
And then I watched the gravy stream today and cried listening to John Lennon’s Mother Song. And I think maybe I don’t want to be the one to leave- and remove my son from his father. Because he’s always kind to our son. He just is setting a terrible example for him and will traumatize him when he’s old enough to understand the terrible things he says to me. I want to talk to BBs mom. Why did she stay? If I leave, I’m in debt city. I have no reliable family to help. I’ve been a housewife and want to raise my son myself without daycare and public school. I would have to be on welfare. In the city presumably, renting. I couldn’t not let him ever see his father again. He’d see him less, and probably still witness his bad behavior, so what would I really be achieving?
Is it gross that I’m fantasizing about a bear rescuing me? I can cook and clean and milk goats. The idea of a new husband grosses me out though. I mean I’m not a thot. But my man is not being a man and I need a man to take care of me. I’m woman enough to admit that. I’m also 40 so hardly an enticing prospect. I guess I’m offering myself as a milkmaid in exchange for room and board LOL. I could provide childcare, homeschooling, art classes. I can cook, see, crochet, hard labor. Beartaria isn’t at that level yet tho is it.
Sorry about your situation. I would recommend listening to Jesse Lee Peterson's Sunday service streams. He fellowships w people and they share their own stories about marriage, parenting, roles according to our gender, etc.
Maybe this verse might help.
1 Peter 3:1-2 Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.
I hope things turn out well for you all.